("What the faq?")

General Answer 1: Where many musicians perform better with a drink inside them,.. the absolute opposite applies to their instruments,... so keep them as far apart as possible!!

General Answer 2: R.T.F.M ! RTFM !!

1. Q. Why did you call your company PMS? Isn't that a bit sexist?
A. If you want political correctness, just take a quick look at who you voted for,...

2. Q. What does R.T.F.M. stand for?
A. M is for Manual,.. that boring thing with all the words about your kit; R.T. is for Read The; and the F is a common F word,....

3. Q. What is a back-up battery for?
A. A battery back-up does not actually run your instrument, it just keeps the settings you stored in the memory alive. Some are re-chargeable and theoretically never wear out (but they do!). some are LITHIUM cells and will last typically about five or six years before becoming unreliable. In some electronic devices, loose the battery,.. nothing works at all,... but it will usually come back to life with a new one.

4. Q. Why does repairing my keyboard cost more than it is worth secondhand?
A. Too many people just throw things away and keyboards have become quite cheap when made in places like the far east. The components are not so cheap to puchase in small numbers, hence they and the labour charge may seem high by comparison. It's a matter of what value YOU put on your instrument!

5. Q. Can I clean the contacts on my organ/keyboard myself?
A. If you need to ask me this question, then I very much doubt it!

5A. Q. If I can get the bits, can I fit them myself to save money?
A. If you need to ask me this question,....

6. Q. When I replaced the valves in my amp, they went bright red down the sides and it sounded very distorted.
A. Yup,... that's blown for sure! Valves will wear out with age but if the old ones blew quite suddenly, something else went too, probably the biasing which stops them from "running away",... which is what happened to yours! (AGAIN! so those new valves are now "old") It's a bit like a nuclear melt-down on a small scale, the little electrons smash holes in the anode shell and it quite literally melts. A set of valves run in this state can produce x-rays. Let it carry on for too long and your output transformer will aslo melt!
(Set fire to your wallet,.. it's cheaper!)

7. Q. Can I adjust the output bias to get more overdrive sound?
A. Yes,.. but not for long. The out-put bias was set to give the optimum sound level into the speakers, drive output valves too hard and they will simply die on you. It is better to overdrive the front end or add an effect pedal. If you can stand the cost of new output stages regularly,... be my guest!
Oh by the way, if you want to hear what a state of the art guitar valve head should sound like,... give the new MARSHALL a try,... definitely the mutt's nuts!

8. Q. I have a low action on my guitar and when I raise the pickups, the sustain dies.
A. The magnetic field from the pickups has the effect of damping the way the strings oscillate. (vibrate) If you want more volume, buy better pickups. Or just get a bigger amp!

9. Q. My Fuzz-Face sounds really muddy and is all bass, and there is not much level at all.
A. If you got a new Fuzz-Face then the transistors are very probably not the right way round! This is a common problem with the Arbiter version. The input has also got the wrong value capacitor which gives far too much bottom end gain, reducing the value evens the tone up and gives you the sort of sound Hendrix had. There are loads of circuits to add to this old design but if you have an original,... keep it that way and build another with all the extras on.

10. Q. Do you repair pipe organs?
A. No,... but I know people who will.

11. Q. Can you fix my karaoke combo?
A. Yes,.. with pleasure,... I keep a large sledge hammer for just that purpose!

12. Q. Can I still get parts for my old valve Hammond?
A. Yes,.. and don't let anyone tell you it's not worth it. Nothing can reproduce the unique sound of the original tone-wheel Hammonds. They are classic collectors items and still get gigged all over the world. They do need TLC but the sound is beautiful.

13. Q. Can you find a buyer for my Technics organ / keyboard?
A. NO. I will not get involved in the sale of anything I can't be sure of repairing.

14. Q. Will you buy my organ to sell secondahnd?
A. No,... but I could try and find a buyer for you. I simply do not have a showroom. I do strip some old instruments for spares but generally I do not pay for them, I just save you the trip to the dump!

15. Q. I want an original Vox speaker for my AC 30.
A. Get a time-machine then! I can get the old chassis re-coned but there are no "original" parts left so if you are offered one,.. it's not original!
Celestion DO have a good range of retro speakers that will sound right, cos they did them originally!

16. Q. I have been recording on my PC and there is a crackle / buzzing noise on all the recordings. CPU-KO
A. You need to have a computer set up with a specific configuration for audio recording. what you are hearing is interference from other programs and graphics. That means a really good graphics card with at least 64 Megs of RAM to free up your on-board RAM. To work with audio files, you will also have to turn off anything else that might be running that is not actually needed; that includes anything for the internet, anti-virus, firewall, games, screen savers and power schemes, any graphics gimmicks like cursors and special display schemes, also turn off accelerated graphics. What you need is the best motherboard and processor you can get, a very basic set of programs and the best possible sound editing software and sound card, high capacity quality hard drives (Maxtor) nothing else. If you want to do recording properly,...
get TASCAM,..
find a good studio,.. there's links on this site.

17. Q. I keep getting all kinds on strange emails that tell me really scary things.
OR.. I have been asked to sell my old keyboard to a guy in Nigeria,...
If I had few pence for every time I heard of somebody falling for these email scams,.. here's a link to more answers than I have the space for here,.. why duplicate it?

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18. Q. I want to burn multiple copies of my demo CD but my burner overheats and I get drop=out.
Databiz will do a good job for you at a decent price, even for small runs. Don't skimp on your demo, it is selling your music so it should sound and look as good as possible. Too many demos are either too badly recorded or look so cheap and nasty they don't even get played, take advice from an expert, don't rush it, get it right first time. If you wont invest anything in your music, why should you expect anyone else to?

19. Q. Why do microphones have plug-in leads that seem to come loose all the time?
A. Good ones don't come lose and if they do then you need to learn how to be a bit more gentle with your microphone technique. Some rock musicians apply loads of duct tape to hold everything together, including the stands! The secret is quite simply to buy good mics and look after them, that applies to any equipment really.

20. Q. My speakers have two different power ratings printed on them, why?
A. PEAK power is just that, if the maximum power is exceeded, kiss the coils goodnight!
RMS power is the general rating that you should look for, this is the overall continuous number of WATTS that a speaker will take,... and that might be only within a specific band of frequencies! If you don't understand what all the basic principles of power, impedance and bandwidth mean,... don't mess about with them because you will not only run the risk of damaging your speakers but also your amp. The voltages that run high power loudspeakers will bite you,.... HARD.

21. Q. I have an old Juno 6 that has apparently blown the main chip. I have been trying to find a replacement, can you help?
A. NO,.. there aren't any left in the world and they are no longer made. Tough luck, bin it.

22. Q. My friend's an electrician and he says just the fuse has gone,...
A. The fuse blew for a reason, the fuse actually blows quite slowly, usually after something else has gone up in smoke! If your friend knows what the problem is,..
  why are you asking me?

23. Q. My amp is dead, how much will it cost to fix?
A. I don't know. (Try askin' Mystic Meg!)

24. Q. Why do you have "Please don't ask intelligent/technical questions, answers may be a lot shorter than expected!" printed on your tee-shirts?

25. Q. This kit is really heavy, can't they make it lighter? (PA loudspeakers and amp racks,..)
A. Yes but it would sound awful. Get your self fit, (stop all the late nights, booze, junk-food etc. in other words, give up being a musician!) or get some roadies!


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