"EMERGENCY PROVISIONS."
In the current states of emergency, various new departments are to be created to deal with specific duties.
· Forward Unit British/American Recon. FUBAR
· International Diplomatic Information Oversight Teams IDIOTs
· Forward Administration Group (Strategic) FAGS
· Western Alliance Nuclear Control Engineering (Reserve Scientists) WANCERS
· Intelligence Senate Advisory (National Executive) InSANE
· Intelligence Center Engineering (Surveillance Team) InCEST
· Strategic Air Defense Graduate Initiative Teams SAD-GITs
· British Uniformed Local Liaison Specialists Command Headquarters (International Terrorism) BULLSCHIT
Obviously the FUBAR is already in place as are the IDIOTs, who report back to FAGS. (FAGS are in fact not deployed at all but are based in offices in Washington and London.)
Should there be a need for them, WANCERS will be sent to the appropriate locations. (Note that these are reserve scientists as the first line specialists are on vacation.)
All the leading politicians who are InSANE, will be briefed with the minimum of information. They will keep the nations up to date on events and will be monitored by way of InCEST.
As young graduates have in the past managed to gain control of the satellite network to greater effect than NASA, it has been decided to give them the opportunity to put their idle minds to work and, by employing them as SAD-GITS, free up the resources currently watching naturist locations.
As Britain has managed to lose an entire empire to acts of terrorism, they are the most qualified to provide inside information as to the techniques of terrorists, having taught most of them. FUBAR, the IDIOTs and FAGS will all benefit from BULLSCHIT and the information it can supply.
Of course the FUBAR must be expected to act on situations as they find them and scientists have developed the Wind Instrument Technology System. This clever device is cheap and effective as it consists merely a moist finger held in the air and has proved invaluable in both forecasting and signalling. All the members in the FUBAR have been advised and have indicated a desire to keep their WITS about them in all areas, at all times.
We are sure you will find these new measures more effective than anything we have relied upon in the past and we are sure you will come to recognise these departments as true examples of international co-operation.
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© PETE BRAVEN |
